Writing Sunday: Give your sins a name

The following short story is recommended for a mature audience only.

I sat in the strange little box and waited. This was my parents idea because I was not the ideal child they had always dreamed me to be, the perfect reflection of themselves, gleaming with awards and trophies, stepping towards my career as a doctor or lawyer. Instead, to them I was in the gutter, slinking towards a future at McDonald’s if I was lucky.
“What are your troubles my child” a voice said through a thatched divider in another small box. I was not religious and the fact that I was being forced into confession seemed highly contradictory. It seemed so cliché that the youth in trouble is thrust towards the religious saviour, that God or a divine light is going to fix all the problems, and possibly take away my hormones.
“Well, I guess to put it very plainly, I had sex.”
I could hear the voice contemplating what was the right thing to say, and I was trying very hard to hold back growls of laughter, realising this would be more embarrassing for him, really.
“Go on” he finally said in a wavering tone.
“I guess it wasn’t just the fact that I had sex, it was due to the fact that it was at school and someone caught us and filmed it. Then after the whole school had seen it, so did the staff, the principle and then it was reported to my parents, which I really hope they didn’t watch.”
I wasn’t sure at the reaction I would get, but he gasped, literally. Maybe he had a photographic memory and it was the mental image that scared him the most. It wasn’t something that I was proud of, who wants to have their private moments broadcast to everyone you know, I guess if you have a career in the pornography industry that is different. It could have been my ticket into that world, but I did not want to, and although I wasn’t wishing I could take back what happened I was still embarrassed. Maybe it was the constant yelling of my mother telling me I was filthy and unclean and was going to burn in hell.

I sat in silence in the small little box. Not sure what I was supposed to say, and if he was still even there or had died of shock.
“Why?” was all he said.
“Because I wanted too. Haven’t you ever felt a desire, okay maybe a bad example. Haven’t you ever really wanted to or felt compelled to do something?”
“Young lady, there are things in life that God grants us, and there are those gifts that we should wait for and savour.”
I thought about this for a while. If I did not believe in God then how could the normal rules apply. Especially when I looked at the human race as beings in a constant search for pleasure and fun. I guess I should just get this over with quickly and drop the big bomb.
“I was pregnant as well, and had to have an abortion. My parents don’t know that part, but I guess they fear something like that could have happened and want me to be cleaned, cleansed and sins forgiven, do you think that could be done, at least just for their peace of mind?”
I heard the door to the little box open, I was sitting alone in my own little world. Just me and God, no middle man to receive the transmission.

Crafting a book

I have been wanting to write a book for over ten years and I will admit that I am disappointed that I haven’t made a huge amount of effort in that time to make it a reality. I am going to change that. I found that previously I always had an excuse for why I hadn’t worked on it; lack of inspiration, needing to practice more, scared of how to actually go about doing it, etc. I could continue to create a million more reasons to block myself, but if I want to really following my dream of being published again and having my own book it’s time to be serious.

I am creating a children’s book. It has two primary characters a boy and his toy giraffe. The book explores how we use imagination and how as we get older we also loose it. Rather then create just a simple story that is light and fluffy I want to try and create something that has a deeper voice, perhaps with a greater moral visibility.

So far in the process I have created the first written draft of the structure of the story as well as began creating the rough ideas for what the boy character will look like. Once I have created several more drafts I will then began setting out the style of the book and organising for an ISBN and publication. There will certainly be a physical book but I am considering an eBook version as well, which I would have to research into a bit to find out the structure (but will not use excuses).

I am excited about this because I am finally allowing myself to move forward.

Have you ever created your own book?
Have you ever wanted to create a book but been confused as well?

Meet me on the internet cafe

I am currently studying intimacy and dating on the internet. While my University work requires that I think about this topic critically, I wanted to post on my blog a creative response to this via poetry!

Meet me on the Internet Cafe
Look at us out there existing
two souls tangled
between virtual woe
can we converse, trust
backup the tale we have sold

Will our true personality
become a placement
for more intimate feelings to devolve

Are we absent again
in this man made universe
evolving, reshaping
updating, refacing
everything we have owned

Is there a time limit on reflections
archived, rewritten or saved
does my digital shadow follow me
or like Peter Pan’s become displaced

Distance is no enemy
compressed to 1s and 0s
everything a cell
living, breathing, alone

Can we commute again
with confidence and decorum
will my status be updated
to lease or for hire

will I be again walking
on this expanding

Writing Sunday: Little Bird

Little bird, little bird
What are you trying to say
Are your wings tied
Your feet tangled
In a mess of gloomy grey.

Little bird, little bird
What song are you trying to sing
Does it have lyrics
Or is it a wordless hymn.

Little bird, little bird
Why do you fly away
Will I see you again
My window is open

Waiting for that day.

Writing Sunday: Artist

For Writing Sunday I will be writing a poem inspired by the image below that was found using the search word Artist on! I need to write more, I annoy myself that I love it so much, yet do so little. The less I do, the worse I become with using language. *kickstarts the pen* :D

I am the artist
the one who observes the world.

I remain hidden
invisible, translucent
misunderstood and obscured.

Is there fate in darkness
under the veil of a wicked spell
tormented, beaten and skinned.

Has my mask fallen
who is waiting inside
the figure does not matter
to these blind eyes?

Prep by Curtis Sittenfeld

My thoughts on the book I recently read. I haven’t voiced my opinions on a book in a while, so I do apologise that it isn’t that great. If you do not want to be slightly spoiled, please avoid reading more. ^_^

Lee Fiora is an intelligent, observant fourteen-year-old when her father drops her off in front of her dorm at the prestigious Ault School in Massachusetts. She leaves her animated, affectionate family in South Bend, Indiana, at least in part because of the boarding school’s glossy brochure, in which boys in sweaters chat in front of old brick buildings, girls in kilts hold lacrosse sticks on pristinely mown athletic fields, and everyone sings hymns in chapel. As Lee soon learns, Ault is a cloistered world of jaded, attractive teenagers who spend summers on Nantucket and speak in their own clever shorthand. Both intimidated and fascinated by her classmates, Lee becomes a shrewd observer of–and, ultimately, a participant in–their rituals and mores. As a scholarship student, she constantly feels like an outsider and is both drawn to and repelled by other loners. By the time she’s a senior, Lee has created a hard-won place for herself at Ault. But when her behavior takes a self-destructive and highly public turn, her carefully crafted identity within the community is shattered. – From

Future sounds of witnessed scenes

I have partially started on a new theme for the site. I was looking for themes that captured a free, vibrant, playful essence that I see in my mind, and I just couldn’t find anything that did. So I thought, the best way (knowing what I want) would be to create my own again. I tend to get sick of them rather quickly though, as the faults start raising their vibrant heads. BUT, I have been having some luck with how the tests have been going so I may just stick at it and see how it goes.

I also thought I should write something and post it here, I love to write, but yet I never post my writing on here. I get slightly nervous about it sometimes, because I can go to a deep place and it might mean something to me, but be a pile of dung to the next. Especially when I always fall behind on spell checking works correcly. :(

Which hand do memories lay

Offline Blogging:
I have been spending more time blogging offline lately. I downloaded a trial of a journal known as The Journal and it has been fabulous. Not only for allowing me to sort my thoughts out in a private and secure way but to be free to write from within and just say whatever needs to be said without fear of making a fool of myself or trying to pretend I can actually spell things (;P). I have also been using it to store and organise my writing and it has been a huge help in doing this. I can search through entries and add them via a calendar. It also has a timer and writing prompts. It’s really a writers dream piece of software. The only thing I can fault is probably the design, I really like smooth, crisp, web 2.0 type of designs and it’s more ‘old school’. At least it does it’s job though, so I shouldn’t be so spoilt and I have been looking for something like this for a while.

Missing Online Friends:
In other news I have been missing people. I don’t get to talk to that many friends online any more. I know this is mostly my fault because I haven’t been putting MSN on, or being on as much as usual. But even when I am on for a while, it seems like moments are filled with silence. I miss being able to catch up and laugh about stupid things, try and try again as words are misspelled and misplaced, share writing and inspire each other and look at our latest website designs. I am very much an introverted person and don’t make friends so easily in the real world, so many people I have been granted the opportunity to know have been online. I am not saying I want them to drop everything and go back to the way things used to be, I completely respect that everything changes in life and we must embrace the gifts we have and jump forward head first, into our life. It can just be so easy to miss those cherished moments when they have brought so much light and happiness into ones life. I hope I am able to catch up with people and maybe make some new friendships as well. :)

The Pope has been in Australia, or rather he had been in Australia for a while last week. I found myself becoming rather annoyed with the whole thing. I am not religious in that way and they were talking about it on every television station it was on everything. It was almost impossible to get away from it, and not only that Dad kept going on and on about it. I lost my temper a few times and he was very offended because he is a great believe in that God, where I am not. But I do not like to put down other peoples religions, because that is what they believe. It just is very infuriating when it’s being shoved in your face all the time. It would be like me talking about the spirit world, waving around tarot cards and crystal balls and spilling the secrets of the future. I have been having many discussions with people about the other side lately and I find it so interesting to talk about. It’s not a subject you can easily talk about with everyone, so it’s good to have friends who click into that level and can grasp the same feeling as yourself.

What have I been working on? I am still adding poems to my computer and writing new ones. Some days I am so full of inspiration that I can write ten in the one sitting. Even if one of them is only good and I can connect and feel something from at least I have that one that means something. I know I say this a lot, but I just love writing so much. I can’t imagine my life without it, it feeds my soul and keeps me on this world. I am always trying to do better and sometimes that can be a struggle for me, because I can be such a pain in the arse at concentrating on one thing for a set period of time (unless it’s web design which seems to be exempt from this rule) and because I suck at spelling and grammar. I must never give up though, I just can’t do that. Even if my work is only viewed by a select group of people and it’s only a pile of crumpled words, maybe someone will get it, maybe it can bring thoughts, feelings and inspiration into their life in whatever form the words can capture. It’s not about money or fame to me, it’s about sending out that thing that is living and swirling inside and letting it free, allowing it to float around in this world and dance on the pages and climb up the arms of the interested. I just hope I don’t waste my time and have to try again next time, I really want to do it this time around because I just have a feeling I can.

Ha, I seemed to have said more then I intended but none the less it has been good to get that out. :)

In a world that has been

I have been adding my poetry to my computer and stumbled over several old fan fiction stories I had written for Harry Potter role plays several of my friends created with me. It made me remember how much I loved those days, when I would wake up and be so excited about the prospect of what the characters in the world we had created would do. It seemed so real, so reliable and free. That time has sadly passed and even if I have tried to capture it again I can’t. It was an age when nothing else but the obsession and love for the characters and the imaginary environment could burn though. Now life scolds me and makes me look at the bigger picture, what a cruel and ugly woe.