Life has a way of doing things to people that you can?t explain. It can make you happy and it can make you sad. But it creates our friends, family and loved ones.
It?s funny sometimes how you can just be-being yourself and your hit with these past emotions stored deep in yourself that you don?t even realise are still there. Yesterday was seeming like it was going to be ok but then dad told me his aunty had died, I did not know her that well but it is still a sadness that you feel for other people, the sadness of knowing people will feel the hurt and struggle of loosing someone they love.
Today my cousin arrived, some may remember that several months back my uncle died horribly from a heart attack. It was one of the saddest times of my life and the emotions are still coming back. Especially seeing him and the look in his eyes and the heartfelt feelings he had for his dad. For some reason these past days are just formed into this almost square object of sadness.
Like the rain that is falling outside and the still hot feeling of summer, I feel confused. I?m not confused about myself in a way of who I am, but a feeling of being confused of how do we really cope with what happens around us.
For me it seems that applying for Fanlistings is some type of semi-realise, but I don?t want to hurt myself there either. I tried to apply for the Dominic Monaghan one because it was available for application, but he is so popular and the chances are very slim so I shouldn?t get my hopes up but I have. It?s such a silly thing to be doing.
I guess like with everything we can only take it one step at a time, surround ourself with happiness but not cover or cloud our grief. Let it be taken into ourself but not hidden. Understood not feared and perhaps then we can move on and search for the lingering of the old parts we had lost.
I wish the best for everyone, whatever you may doing may the love and joy always be yours!