This animal monday I would like to dedicate to my adopted dog Kinky (named so for a kink in her tail). She is the sweetest dog I have ever met. She is an older dog and first lived with my grandparents. It was sad to see her alone, so now that I am living in my grandparents house, Kinky and I keep each other company. She loves pats and cuddles and likes to wake me up by nudging her nose on the side of the bed (she does this often, but how can you get angry with such a cute face). She cares about people and has such expressive eyes, you can almost see what she is thinking. She also love Schmackos (which we call her ‘lollies’) and will sometimes wake me up at 3am wanting one.
The following short story is recommended for a mature audience only.
I sat in the strange little box and waited. This was my parents idea because I was not the ideal child they had always dreamed me to be, the perfect reflection of themselves, gleaming with awards and trophies, stepping towards my career as a doctor or lawyer. Instead, to them I was in the gutter, slinking towards a future at McDonald’s if I was lucky.
“What are your troubles my child” a voice said through a thatched divider in another small box. I was not religious and the fact that I was being forced into confession seemed highly contradictory. It seemed so cliché that the youth in trouble is thrust towards the religious saviour, that God or a divine light is going to fix all the problems, and possibly take away my hormones.
“Well, I guess to put it very plainly, I had sex.”
I could hear the voice contemplating what was the right thing to say, and I was trying very hard to hold back growls of laughter, realising this would be more embarrassing for him, really.
“Go on” he finally said in a wavering tone.
“I guess it wasn’t just the fact that I had sex, it was due to the fact that it was at school and someone caught us and filmed it. Then after the whole school had seen it, so did the staff, the principle and then it was reported to my parents, which I really hope they didn’t watch.”
I wasn’t sure at the reaction I would get, but he gasped, literally. Maybe he had a photographic memory and it was the mental image that scared him the most. It wasn’t something that I was proud of, who wants to have their private moments broadcast to everyone you know, I guess if you have a career in the pornography industry that is different. It could have been my ticket into that world, but I did not want to, and although I wasn’t wishing I could take back what happened I was still embarrassed. Maybe it was the constant yelling of my mother telling me I was filthy and unclean and was going to burn in hell.
I sat in silence in the small little box. Not sure what I was supposed to say, and if he was still even there or had died of shock.
“Why?” was all he said.
“Because I wanted too. Haven’t you ever felt a desire, okay maybe a bad example. Haven’t you ever really wanted to or felt compelled to do something?”
“Young lady, there are things in life that God grants us, and there are those gifts that we should wait for and savour.”
I thought about this for a while. If I did not believe in God then how could the normal rules apply. Especially when I looked at the human race as beings in a constant search for pleasure and fun. I guess I should just get this over with quickly and drop the big bomb.
“I was pregnant as well, and had to have an abortion. My parents don’t know that part, but I guess they fear something like that could have happened and want me to be cleaned, cleansed and sins forgiven, do you think that could be done, at least just for their peace of mind?”
I heard the door to the little box open, I was sitting alone in my own little world. Just me and God, no middle man to receive the transmission.
2011 was a year of adjustments that although were not as turbulent as the previous year, still required a great deal of emotional energy to adapt. It was not a bad year, there were moments of great happiness scattered through that in many ways even out the complex situations that life can dish. I feel that through this year I have been able to grow, become stronger and hopefully wiser about myself, the world and my place in it. There is still a lot I have to learn about life, and I believe that 2012 is going to show me a lot more and test boundaries I never knew.
The most significant events that happened in 2011 were: My grandfather becoming very ill several times and almost passing away, and because of that deterioration of health had to go into a nursing home. My childhood cat Pocket died after suffering with cancer (we also lost a pet bird). My great uncle passed away about a week before christmas which was really upsetting. Living on my own. I traveled to Sydney and had an amazing time, not only being able to see Krissy and Clare but also to explore the city and eat Macarons and Sushi for the first time (omg delicious!). I created a lot of website designs, continued to expand my illustration skills and work on Bubble Hosting. I also began the process to transforming Bubble from a hobby into an official business and this will continue to unfold into the new year.
I hope that 2012 will be a year of many opportunities, ones that I can reach up and take. Nothing is ever easy and it is because of the hard work we have to do that we are able to learn life lessons. I look forward to working hard and trying my best.
Now, a list of resolutions!
- Work hard on Bubble Hosting
- Create many website designs (good designs I am happy with)
- Create and sell illustrations on stock websites
- Take photographs everyday
- Write, draw, design or do something creative each day (aside from photography)
- Keep a daily journal, reflecting honestly on my thoughts and feelings
- Do more walking/exercise and become healthier
- Quit smoking and drink more water
- FINALLY publish my children’s book
Finally, Dad and I played our annual game of cricket. He won again. He is really starting to get a winning reputation in our game (he won the previous two years, eeek). Look out next year!
How has your year been?
I finally feel as if things are starting to settle into some form of normalcy and I am starting to get excited about the future. Today has been one of those good days where I have been able to accomplish a lot and start to see the future is not so dark, I can generate fire to shine my way.
Today I: Replied to emails on Bubble, replied to support tickets on Bubble, processed applications on Bubble, listed numerous domains on Namecheap for sale to have more finance for Bubble, replied to messages on Pop, enrolled in my next unit for University and received a reply from a photographer I know and admire who likes my photographs and wants me to share my personal favorites of my own photos with him and he will give me his opinion (I am really excited about this!! 3_3 ).
Yesterday I also asked a family member if I could have a loan (they said yes, woo). I don’t believe I have mentioned this on my blog yet, but I plan to start a business. I have been madly researching the ins and outs of creating one and it is a complicated process. However, I feel that it is something that is going to be a really good direction for me, and will allow me to flourish in both design and hosting (hopefully). I still have to work out a business name and how Bubble will be incorporated into it, or if it will remain a stand alone project *pondering*.
I have also been continuing with my work on my children’s book, and plan on having another blog update soon on my process with this.
My beautiful cat Pocket passed away today. She had been in my life for 17 years and meant so much to me. She was with me when I was growing up, through many of the great memories and emotions. It hurts to have to say goodbye and hurt even more to watch her suffer. At least now I know she is finally at peace.
Pocket was a very individual cat. She had a dominant personality and was ‘The Boss’. She would often play tricks on me, such as getting under my bed when I was younger and pulling open bags and playing with everything she could. She used to beep rather then meow (until a few years ago when she started to meow).
I love her dearly and even though I won’t be able to hold her paw or cuddle her again, she is always in my heart and I am thankful I was able to spend the majority of 17 years with her.
At the moment I feel like there is a black shadow following me around. I am unable to concentrate and feel numb. This hasn’t just hit me out of nowhere and rather then go into everything I will simply list the negative and positive things that have been happening in my life at the moment.
- My grandfather has been very ill and has been in hospital for several weeks. He almost died several times and he is stable at the moment but his health is not improving. This opens up the question of care in a home. My mother and I dread the though of having to do this to him, but on the same token he is 24 hour high care and because he is so ill, can we cope if he was in his own house?
- My oldest cat Pocket almost died last week. She was choking with fluid on her lungs. Mum got the fluid off her lungs, but the vet told us after giving her a scan that she has cancer and has a very large tumor. She has a lot of trouble breathing and she is on medication to help, it just hurts to see her so unwell.
- I have a bladder infection which is driving me crazy.
- My great uncle I adore had a heart attack.
- One of my birds, Poodle died.
- My fortnightly money I received from the government was cancelled because I forgot some paperwork.
- I received a $500 phone bill and doesn’t make sense.
- Because I have no money coming in now I am stressing about what to do.
- I am at home.
- I can sleep in.
I wish I didn’t have so much negative energy swirling around me. I know that my outlook and depressed attitude can make things seem even worse. I will try and focus on my designs and photography to take my mind into a productive and hopefully positive direction.
Ladybugs are beautiful creatures that fill me with inspiration and thoughts of hidden lands. They capture so much beauty in such a little form. 3_3
Click images for sources
I have been wanting to write a book for over ten years and I will admit that I am disappointed that I haven’t made a huge amount of effort in that time to make it a reality. I am going to change that. I found that previously I always had an excuse for why I hadn’t worked on it; lack of inspiration, needing to practice more, scared of how to actually go about doing it, etc. I could continue to create a million more reasons to block myself, but if I want to really following my dream of being published again and having my own book it’s time to be serious.
I am creating a children’s book. It has two primary characters a boy and his toy giraffe. The book explores how we use imagination and how as we get older we also loose it. Rather then create just a simple story that is light and fluffy I want to try and create something that has a deeper voice, perhaps with a greater moral visibility.
So far in the process I have created the first written draft of the structure of the story as well as began creating the rough ideas for what the boy character will look like. Once I have created several more drafts I will then began setting out the style of the book and organising for an ISBN and publication. There will certainly be a physical book but I am considering an eBook version as well, which I would have to research into a bit to find out the structure (but will not use excuses).
I am excited about this because I am finally allowing myself to move forward.
Have you ever created your own book?
Have you ever wanted to create a book but been confused as well?
- Arrived in Sydney and checked in to hotel. I didn’t like my room at first (it was really small) so was moved to another. It was amazing it had a piano and spa bath, but the piano made it a bit small and I decided to move again (haha, I am sure I was a big pain to them).
- Met Claire for the first time . It was so awesome to meet her. I was so paranoid about making a fool of myself, being really boring or lame. (There is a good chance I still was, lols). We walked around a tad, went to the museum and looked at a Pre-Raphaelite exhibition. (I have to say it made more sense when you read the blurb about it first, rather then looking at everything first haha).
- We went and had a browse around Paddy’s Markets and I was good with my money (even when there was so many pretty things) I only brought Hello Kitty fake nails, hehe.
- Saturday night I met Krissy for the first time. I was really excited about this because I have known her for a long time (maybe 7 years). She is such a kind hearted, warm, friendly and special person. I am so glad that I was able to have the time to finally meet her! We had Dinner and wondered around a little.
- Brought Macarons (!!) and looked around at some really really cute/Kawaii stores in china town. My wallet was begging me to spend, but I was good, hehe!
- Krissy and I headed out to the zoo which was so much fun. Some of the highlights were Giraffes (because they are the best thing ever, omg), Zebras and the bunnies standing underneath them (so funny, you have to see),
- We then headed out to Bondi, it was dark and pretty cold but I still really love the vibe at Bondi. Had some of the tastiest fish and chips ever and we also had some frozen yoghurt from Twisted (OMG SO DELICIOUS!!!)
- I didn’t do a great deal on Mon-DAY, mainly slept because my legs were so soar.
- Night time Krissy and I went to see Harry Potter in 3D at the IMAX theatre which is HUGE (apparently the biggest in the world?). I had never watched a movie in 3D before so it was exciting. I enjoyed the movie and did cry several times. I am really glad I was able to watch the last chapter with Krissy, made it extra special.
Stay tuned for more. 4_4
I am sure I probably forgot some important things..
I have been terrible at updating my blog and I really miss spending at least a few minutes each week (or month) posting something. I will try and change that. :0 So, I have decided to recap, there has been a number of things going on since I last blogged with substantial content, so hold on tight for the catch up!
I have been wanting pink hair for a while now and I finally have it! It is a tad darker then what I want in the photo below because apparently it does wash out quickly, and I have found that out as it’s a lot lighter now. My hair is also short now, I had been growing it for years, and decided for a change and I am happy with it now, instead of annoyed and confused on what to do with it.
A major thank you to everyone that requested a theme to be made to help Japan. We raised $135 which is so awesome, and I know it will be helpful in many ways. I am sorry to those that I am still in the process of creating, eh, I am dooooooooomed.
Digital SLR Camera
*bursts* I had been wanting a good camera for years, and I finally found one that I wanted that wasn’t too expensive and I could let loose on a world of new opportunities. I purchased a Canon EOS 500D and I LOVE IT. At first I was getting carried away with how important I thought it was about the technology when the reality is, having an SLR helps, but you still have to be able to capture emotional connections to your subjects. I am learning, developing and hopefully improving as time moves on!
View more on my Flickr profile
Nanna Gone A Year
On may the 5th my grandmother (Nanna) had been gone one year. That was a very emotional time and I still am struggling with her not being in my life. I still feel like she is still here, that she is just off somewhere and is going to come home soon. I really love my grandmother a great deal, she was such a quirky individual who wasn’t afraid to be herself and had a will or iron. I am like her in a lot of ways. I really miss her. ::(
- Bubble was placed on Hiatus and is returning on 1st August 2011
- Still studying at Uni
- Still looking after my grandfather (he hasn’t been very well for a while, so it has been a struggle trying to juggle everything in life)
- I AM GOING TO SYDNEY FOR A WEEK TO SEE KRISSY, CLAIRE AND GEORGINA. Unless they realize that I am really just a weirdo and don’t want too. There will be more on this later. ;D