A Message To Myself.

Dear Kassandra,

This is me, twenty one years old. I may look back on my youth one day and wonder what my life had meant, what values I held and the dreams and aspirations that were the core of my being, the strength that propelled me forward, attached to the love of family and dear friends. So I give this message to myself and hope that I shall carry it with me during my lifetime and inspire myself to stay true to the child that lives inside.

Twenty one years is a flicker in time, wading away in a pool of emotions and love. Memories all flashing by like the turning pages of hundreds of photo albums. Words captured and realised, felt and misspelled. Creativity lifting the spirit and the black dog isolating the world. Happiness and sadness, the greatest trust and a broken sorrow all flickering like moths searching for light.

I see this world in all its form. The darker days linger in blood soaked ink in the pages of history, while the strong and proud, the pure of heart roam free. Sometimes unseen in the littlest detail but to the individual of mind, they shine vibrantly in a form too beautiful for words and only supported by tears.

I grow, but I do not let go to the innocence, the ability to dream with a child’s mind. The searching for my own truth, my own understanding of all around me. Not to be swayed or influenced, to dream with my own ideals, to speak my mind and try not to let fear burn my own individuality. I search to find the courage and strength to follow my dreams and dip my toes into my interests that seem so distant and unsure.

I feel proud to have been given gifts that allow me to express myself in a way that lets go of my thoughts locked inside my wondering mind. Always moving in motion and open for so much more. For knowing the direction I want my life to go and for the focus that circulates around my dream. Even when my body slows or may not be perfect in my eyes, I can drift away to a place that is my own.

For my future I can only hope that it shall become everything that I wish for. I am worthy of having the things I desire and letting my imagination run wild. I hope that when I read this again or when the hands of time have turned I embrace the life that could be mine.

Love from Kassandra.
Written on the 11th of March 2008, My Birthday.

(Weirdly enough I started writing this and I have finished it a few minutes shy of the exact time I was born. Strange how these things happen without you realising. I guess it was meant to be.)

Drink Positive.

I have made a few changes to this here site. I added old Grey Matter entries that I found backed up on some random disk. I was so pleased to find them because I thought I had lost them forever. They are from 2004/2005ish and be warned I was such a crazy kid then (if you have a look). I also removed many affiliates that had either dead sites or no longer linked back to me. So with so many gone if anyone does want to affiliate with me now, I would love too. :)

My computer is acting up and really annoying me. Dad offered to buy me a new one. I felt guilty at first with the idea, but I may just take him up on that offer. I have to go to Sydney to have a look and if may be a few weeks, but luckily I have the internet working again!

My birthday is in 6 days. :O

Burn my brains into fire.

I haven’t been bloging here as much as I probably should, mainly due to the fact I have been posting in my Live Journal all the time. If you have one, I don’t mind adding new friends. My username is Koopey. Leave a comment here or on my journal to say you added me and I shall return the favour. :)

I have been working on some sites; The Physical Fanlistings Network is back on it’s feet once again. Not everyone has been happy with the changes, but hey we do our best. I also revamped Spookish and added a bunch of icons I had on my site (this post has the newly added).

I also updated my movie collection. We have 962 now, and that is just crazy. I am sure we will get 1000 this year! :D

I am going to do some writing later tonight, probably inspired by an image. No doubt I will post it on my Live Journal. ;D But I need to do it. I have been trying to work on my novel and I am just getting annoyed at the moment, so I need some free writing about anything that can just spark my creative side a little.

Also, Happy Birthday to Sara! :)

In different worlds.

I have been having a lot of strange dreams lately and more so then is normal. I have found if you go to bed in the afternoon and wake up between 3 – 5 AM it seems to really make them absorb into the brainz. I found this one to be very interesting, like a life at a certain time from different angels, and can’t remember having one like this so clearly below.

In all sections of the dream a few facts are present in all of them. 1, I look like myself and possibly around 16 – 18 years old. 2, they all take place in or around a school area. 3, At least one of my cousins is present in all three sections.

A Star Has Fallen.

The loss of a young star is always so very saddening. Not only for all the dreams and aspirations they had yet to live but the family and loved ones they leave behind. I am still so shocked and upset by the sudden death of actor Heath Ledger, I sit here now still shaking my head and wondering how and why.

I have noticed that a great deal of people who feel the loss relate it to someone else. For me it was Michael Hutchence another friend Jeff Buckley and numerous posts and news reports about River Phoenix, Brandon Lee and even Marilyn Monroe. They all cast a shadow across this world, leaving it to early but will always be immortalised, displaying their talents in a time capsule of creativity and beauty. But you can’t help but wonder and have a miss guided hope that they are not gone, they are going to be with us again, acting or singing or transforming the world. But they won’t be able to. Only the legacy and memories they have left behind can ever be restored.

Heath was not my favourite actor in the whole world, but I did have respect for his work and am proud to support any Australian talent making it big in the world. It just upsets me so very much because I didn’t see it coming, like so many others. I can not begin to imagine how I would feel if it was my favourite actor: Gary, Ryan or Zach. But for some people Heath was their Gary and for his family their everything. I can only hope the moments they shared in life were the happiest they could ever dream for and that they always shared a special bond.

Heath will be forever missed.