As the days roll on.

A few things have been going on at the moment, so I will put them in categories and talk the day away. Also, many thanks for the comments on my last entry. I have a lot of strange dreams and most of the time they are in great detail which I love because it feels like I am living in another world, and can give me good inspiration and ideas for stories.

Michael Hutchence.
On the 22nd for those who may not know marks the 10th year that Michael Hutchence has been gone from this world. Michael was a singer, songwriter, rock star, extroverted / introverted soul that was almost unreadable, and I say this because even in his fame, he was still an amazing person who took an interest in the stories of other people and respected life as it was. I could write a million reasons why he was so wonderful, but I may just start crying again, so instead I have a song I have written. Just words, I don’t want to destroy it with my out of tune vocals. You can find them at the end of the entry, reading more.

Election Day.
Today is Election Day for those who reside in the wonderful country of Australia. I have no problem publicly saying I will be voting for the Labor party because I believe they will do the best for our country and deserve the chance to prove themselves. Not to mention the current Prime Minister has said that he will retire if he is re elected, so it becomes a vote for his off-sider which I can’t stand. No way in hell would I vote for Howard. I do like Kevin Rudd (Labor) I just hope he will do well, he has nerd power to the max and sometimes you can’t help but feel embarrassed for him, but nerd power please! Tonight we will know the results, I just hope Kevin 07 can live the dream. *snort*

Writing and Life.
I had lots of plans for the future and the door is still open, but one thing that has always been apart of me is the idea of me writing. I don’t think this could ever really be taken away from me. Sometimes it does become silenced when I am going through a ‘down stage’ but I just have so much fun/anger/love for it. Sometimes I feel a little bit like a lost soul and I guess this might be normal. I wonder who I am, and think I am this person, but really it’s a place I want to live in another world and maybe in fiction and who I am is different, so far away from it I wonder why I could ever assume that in the first place. Confusing right? It only just accrued to me, that maybe the desire for me to be so different at the same time might be my need to try and express different personalities of people. What I mean is, a single day I sometimes wish I was ten different people. The one who is beautiful, the one who is smart, tall, skinny, male, female. I know it’s normal for people to imagine themselves with the things they desire, but mine stretches that a bit and sometimes it imagines other people as if they were me, but different. Maybe I am just talking garbage and this is normal, I would never know I have always been a bit of an oddball.

My fear I have is can I be a writer? Could I be able to do this for my future, and how could I support myself while I tried. It’s always been like a dream that clung to my soul, but I don’t think I have ever thought about it really logically (which I have trouble doing with most things). I’m not a very social person in the outside world, I stay in my house a lot, and have limited company of people. The normal things that people do without a second thought scare me deeply that I realize how silly it is. It makes me wonder how I could do anything else besides writing or Web design. I don’t hate people, I just feel like they are in a different world. Sometimes you meet people that are in the same as you, and they are the special friends who understand. You can talk to them in perfect English and they don’t need to translate.

I have never thought of myself as a smart person. There are big gaps in my education that I need to fix and sometimes I even doubt my creative abilities. But I do feel like I have something that makes me different. It has been strange, during my life, growing up and at High School I was the one people always assumed would do wonderful things in life. I want to do them, I want to write and share my work but I am so scared of never reaching that goal that I hide from it. It is such a ridiculous cycle, I should be laughing at myself and getting out and trying. But I am going to try.

I have been starting a number of stories. I won’t go into great detail. But the first one the characters appeared to me. Almost like a vision you could say. I saw them standing next to each other, looking up at me. I can see their faces, the clothes they are wearing and they have not left my mind at all. There is also another character that stands away from them in the distance, but he is not as clear, I am sure he will develop soon. And another weird thing, I was looking for the names of them. Four I found very easily, and the last one I had a selection of names. When I had five, it then occurred to me that they were all related and I had not known, so that in itself gave me a million ideas. Sometimes it feels like your brain is on fire, with these characters buzzing around. Then again, maybe I am really just insane.

I guess what I am trying to say. I am scared of doing anything but living my dream and at the same time I am scared of my dream in the idea that I might fail at it.

And so ends, my long ramble. Sometimes you just feel like you have something to say and have to get it out. I could probably write a lot more, but some things need to stay in your own mind, and I have probably revealed a lot here anyway.

Slightly, one of the best.

Kylar Kiss

It’s no secret that I have weird dreams, but thanks to Elise who told me to eat cheese before bed I had a strange but brilliant one. (I’m still not sure if this was the truth or some way to make things a bit HELLO but it worked anyway. ;] )

In other news, Happy Birthday to the wonderful Nicole and Akasha I hope you had both had a great day! Kara and I are also working on something, but I can’t say anything or she will beat me. :)

In grave danger, you are.

Happy Birthday to Kara for the 12th I hope you had a wonderful day. *snuggle* It’s amazing how many people have birthdays during November, and how many of them are great friends. *high fives*

I have also added a section to the website for those who would like to order website design. I have placed a fair price on what I believe my time and effort is worth for different tasks, WordPress themes from $15 and XHTML site validation from $5. You can view this page for more information.

I have also added a blog to Dazzle so I can keep a record of what I am doing, and I kept getting the urge to be able to blog on the site, so now it’s done. I am also still working on Cupcaked. The slow, I am. *sobs*

Going FTW!

I thought I needed to get in the holiday spirit so made a new theme. :lol: It took me longer than I thought it would, but ta-da it’s finally finished, well kind of. I got a bit lazy and haven’t checked it for XHTML validation and know it probably has a few bugs, but I will fix them later on. :haha:

I am doing NaNoWriMo this year, or trying to. I started well, but then kind of flagged out a bit, hopefully I can pick up the pace again and it will be okay. I started writing something and found it okay, but then realised it was pretty bad, but I can always fix it up or scrap it later, the fact I could stay connected to a project and keep focus is the main thing to remember! :gonk:

I can’t wait to start buying presents and sending Christmas cards, I want to try and do it early for once this year. Also, a very happy birthday mention to Raine for the 8th, I was able to speak to her on the phone for the first time and it was lovely, she truly is awesome. :wub: Lots of precious ones have birthdays this month!

It should be known from this day forward, Sylar is a sexy boi and needs some leg humping. :boff: Okay, I am leaving now. Byeeee.

In my hidden corner.

I thought I better blog after all it’s pretty big news in my world. Tehlove Hosting has been cancelled, closed, killed :[, finished, murdered, failed, and squashed. And along with that, my dreams I had for it. I am putting on a brave face, it upsets me so very much that it’s gone, I loved it deeply.

All the reasons why;
1. Server Cost.
– When I started out with Tehlove it cost me a grand total of $25 a month on a smallish reseller account. As my client base grew, the hosting was also required to expand to support it. I moved up a few resellers and it was happy sitting at $65 for a while. But then eventually I had to upgrade again, and because the option for bigger resellers was not available I had to step into the world of my own Dedicated Sever and this is where the money gets serious.

The first server I purchased was $180 a month, but it was a single CPU processor with piddling ram and just about everything else. I soon discovered this was a really bad option and wasn’t going to cut it, I did not want to offer a bad service to anyone. The final upgrade was the biggest at a whopping $400 a month and although the server was just about awesome, it slowly killed me and my funds, having to borrow money to afford it. I could have upped the prices, removed some features, but I couldn’t bring myself to do that, because I had ideas of my own perfection of how it should be.

2. The Stress.
– If you have ever owned your own server or even a computer you will know how they can be. Unpredictable, strange and defiantly odd. You will work hard on them, but more often then not you will still have trouble at least in some part. If you make an upgrade it can cause problems in one section, you fix that and then something else will arise, it was like this for 90% of the time, and if it upset others, it upset me as well, because I could understand how frustrating it would be, and a lot of the time I was having the same problems on my own sites.

I wanted to be around to help when they had problems and sometimes this meant staying online longer then normal and watching the emails obsessively, unhealthy in teh brainz.

I also had my critics too, and sometimes I read their words which was a bad idea. Because in my heart I knew what I was doing was true and I was always trying to find ways to make it better. In the end, even if I have failed I am still not scamming anyone. I’m hosting those that want stay onto the end, and helping them just like I would have. But people will always point and laugh its human nature I guess.

I guess at the moment, things have been a little messed up. With Witchypoo, Tehlove and having been in a low point for a while, but I will pick myself up and be okay. I probably need to take a few days out and try to breath and maybe get some writing done.

I can say I am very thankful and I mean this to have so many wonderful friends who have sent kind words and their thoughts. I am shocked at how many people have been lovely about this whole thing. I knew I hosted a variety of beautiful people, but I did expect them to be angry and raging off at me, but just about everyone has been so kind. I honestly get tears in my eyes thinking about that. Thank you all.

I am sure I will be back and in full spirits again soon.