TAG: Death

Life and things

There have been a lot of things going on recently. Most of them have been ‘dsjdkhiuhasdajkh DOOM’ but there have also been a few good things too.

I have had ear trouble for the last five months. It started as an ear infection, then turned into something that the last four doctors don’t know what it is (yay). So I have to wait until November to see a specialist. At least twice a month if gets so much pressure/throbbing and builds up with fluid and really hurts. After a while it kind of leaks out. Ew.

My mum went on holiday for two weeks so I had some time to myself. I did miss her, so it was nice to see her when she got back.

My dear cat Tigger who was around 17 passed away. She got very ill and was at the vet for a week. It was first thought she had an infection, but it looks more likely it was some form of bowel cancer. The vet suggested we have her put down, but we couldn’t do it. I wish we had of done that now, because her death was very hard. :(

My dads bird Flapper (who was around 5) also passed away. I am not sure what happened, but he suddenly got very quiet. We brought him inside the day before he died, I checked on him a lot. But he passed away while I was not with him (I don’t like anything to be alone if it is going to pass) so that was sad.

I have made some progress on my ‘mental health battle’. I was able to speak with a health professional who actually listened and seemed to care. So I have a start, in hopefully a good direction.

Kate sent me some lovely gifts, a cute owl friend and a lovely candle that smells really nice. The card was also wonderful! (Image of these under the cut.) THANK YOU!

Goodbye Friend

Yesterday I lost my dear friend and doggie, Kinky. She was an old dog and became very ill. It was so sad to see her so sick and to go through so much that I had to make the awful decision to have her put to sleep. I wish I didn’t have to do it, but she was becoming sicker and sicker and I didn’t want her to have to go through such trauma. I was very close to her, we formed a special bond and loved each other. She hated to be away from me, so I stayed with her until the end so she was not alone. I am really going to miss her and I am lucky that I was able to have a special animal friend like her in my life.

Thinking Tuesday: Life as it ages

Life is a complicated journey. Before I cared for my grandparents I didn’t understand or think about it the same way as I do now. I was happy skimming through life, hoping that things would come my way and that everything would just work out fine, bad things wouldn’t happen, everything would end up roses and sunshine. There were of course times before caring for them that I battled hard with depression and sometimes would just lie in bed all day, sulking in my own demons.

When I started to care for my grandparents I was diagnosed with depression and given medication to treat it. It made a big difference to me and balanced out the chemicals that sent me to dark places. But even if I was being treated, I believe that the real lessons of life came from looking after the two soles I had grown up with, my Nanna and Poppy. There were moments of great joy and times when I felt so sick with worry my whole body would shake. Even through those hard times it showed how solid the bond I had for my family, to treat the special moments as precious as they are, how wonderful my true friends are and how strong the human spirit can be.

I watched my Nanna go from a beautiful comical person who would often make two sided jokes to someone who was serious, angry and did not know her own home and some of her family. I watched her leave this earth and felt her spirit in the next. I watched my grandfather go from a strong man helping me learn to drive into someone fragile and ill. It makes me sad that he has to be in a nursing home at the moment because I love him so dearly, and his mind is still very sharp, his body is just slowly letting him down, as age does to all.

Something that has been hard to watch as my grandfather gets older is how many friends and relatives he has lost in the last two years (even within the last month it has been a lot). Imagine watching the people who you are close to now dying, no longer being there to have a chat with, send an email to or call. It would be such a horrible thing to go through, especially when you felt ill yourself. Even though it is a morbid thought, it also makes you appreciate the people around you, or it does for me.

I know the time will eventually come when my Poppy will leave this world too. It is very scary because he has been such a huge part of my life, but I am so lucky to have known him, to have been their to help him when he needed my care and as a reminder that we have to appreciate the living energy around us. I am lucky to have a close relationship with my mum who is a constant rock, and is so understanding that we help each other in so many ways, sometimes just being in the same room is enough to sooth the unsaid.

There will be dark moments in the future and there will be vibrant tones of joy. I will grow and understand more, but I will carry my lessons of age with me, and approach life with a different understanding and appreciation.

Pocket 1994 – 2011


My beautiful cat Pocket passed away today. She had been in my life for 17 years and meant so much to me. She was with me when I was growing up, through many of the great memories and emotions. It hurts to have to say goodbye and hurt even more to watch her suffer. At least now I know she is finally at peace.
Pocket was a very individual cat. She had a dominant personality and was ‘The Boss’. She would often play tricks on me, such as getting under my bed when I was younger and pulling open bags and playing with everything she could. She used to beep rather then meow (until a few years ago when she started to meow).

I love her dearly and even though I won’t be able to hold her paw or cuddle her again, she is always in my heart and I am thankful I was able to spend the majority of 17 years with her.

Bad luck is following me…

At the moment I feel like there is a black shadow following me around. I am unable to concentrate and feel numb. This hasn’t just hit me out of nowhere and rather then go into everything I will simply list the negative and positive things that have been happening in my life at the moment.


  • My grandfather has been very ill and has been in hospital for several weeks. He almost died several times and he is stable at the moment but his health is not improving. This opens up the question of care in a home. My mother and I dread the though of having to do this to him, but on the same token he is 24 hour high care and because he is so ill, can we cope if he was in his own house?
  • My oldest cat Pocket almost died last week. She was choking with fluid on her lungs. Mum got the fluid off her lungs, but the vet told us after giving her a scan that she has cancer and has a very large tumor. She has a lot of trouble breathing and she is on medication to help, it just hurts to see her so unwell.
  • I have a bladder infection which is driving me crazy.
  • My great uncle I adore had a heart attack.
  • One of my birds, Poodle died.
  • My fortnightly money I received from the government was cancelled because I forgot some paperwork.
  • I received a $500 phone bill and doesn’t make sense.
  • Because I have no money coming in now I am stressing about what to do.


  • I am at home.
  • I can sleep in.

I wish I didn’t have so much negative energy swirling around me. I know that my outlook and depressed attitude can make things seem even worse. I will try and focus on my designs and photography to take my mind into a productive and hopefully positive direction.