27

27 Years Today

27 years ago today I was born. In those 27 years that I have been here, I have discovered interesting ways that humans; interact, love, care, hurt, cheat, lie and heal. I have seen life and I have seen death. I have witnessed the decay of people I love and also found an enduring love and honour of spirit. I have struggled with invisible demons and had support by those that offered only the most noble of shelter. I have fought and I have won, I have fought and I have lost, I have fought and keep fighting. I have grown and developed, discovered new paths and clung to dreams so closely forged within.

My hope is that there will be a future that I can be proud of, to have done the things I want and need too, to be and act as the person that I am and to continue to understand and cherish the relationships and people that travel along this life with me.

Kya

20131107-the-liebster-award

The Liebster Award

I was nominated for the The Liebster Award by Sophie. The award is basically a meme where I answer 11 questions that Sophie posted and nominate five people to answer 11 questions that I ask (with their own blog post).


1. What’s the story behind your blog name?

This is rather simple. It is my name, or my nickname. :D (Do I get an award for originality? :B)


2. Which food cuisine is your favourite?

Does candy/lollies and cute food fit in here? It’s probably not a good option, but I can’t help it. :(


3. If you could meet and talk to anyone in history, who would it be and what would be your first question to them?

There isn’t really anyone specifically that I would want to meet. But to answer this question, it would probably be Douglas Adams. I wouldn’t really ask a question, but probably say “So long, and thanks for all the fish.” xD


4. Who is your favourite actor/actress?

Gary Oldman (Ryan Gosling is also great.. and Tom Hardy… Mmmmmm Tom Hardy *dribble*)


5. Would you ever adopt children?

I don’t know. There is a good chance that I might not be able to have children of my own, so if I ever really decided that I want a child, it would probably be an option. But I just don’t know. Not really about the adoption, but about having kids in general. I just don’t know if I would be a good parent. But it also makes me sad, that when I die, my family unit dies with me (because I’m an only child).


6. Do you have any new year resolutions?

Not really. I just want to try and be in a better place mentally. :D


7. What’s your occupation?

A Noodle? Right now I am not sure. I can’t really say web/graphic designer because I would have to be doing that for it to be real. Mainly I am just noodling.


8. Is there a film you’ve been meaning to watch?

I still haven’t watched The Artist.


9. What would your dream flat/house be like?

Modern modern modern! Lots of pretty curves with white architecture and modern furniture and patterns as well (but subtle). Something tells me I probably would end up with cute things all over the place too, or maybe have a dedicated ‘cute room’? If it could be near a beach as well that would rock.


10. What do you like most about where you live?

I currently live in a very small town and I love that everything is so quite. I rarely hear traffic, there are kangaroos that bounce around the yard and there is a lot of space.


11. What dream are you currently pursuing (small or big) (if any)?

I still really want to write a children’s book. Like go through the whole process of writing, illustration and publishing it. I want to self publish it so I have control over everything. I want to do it, not as something to make money from, but as something that I can share with friends (and their children) and be proud of making. :D


Now, I nominate Nicole, Claire, Kate, Silver & Alice to answer my 11 questions (if they want to).

1. Why did you start your blog?
2. How long have you been ‘online’?
3. Work to dream or dream to work?
4. Do you have a hidden talent?
5. What book means the most to you?
6. Do you create your own designs/themes for your blog?
7. What Hogwarts house would you be sorted into and why?
8. If you were an animal, what would you be?
9. How has your blog evolved from when you first started it?
10. If you were a mutant (think x-men) what would your mutant ability be?
11. Would you rather meet someone that is a celebrity (and you like) or someone that can offer you good advice?


I don’t know if I should do these things at 3am…… >.<

Kya

IMG_5370

See ya 2013

Another year is almost over and 2014 is knocking on our doors! Hopefully it can be a year where we all welcome the visitor, who will bring many positive gifts.

For me, 2013 was a kind of a difficult year. Not as traumatic as 2012 was, but it was still hard. I faced a lot of challenges with mental health, lost a friend to suicide, lost my dear grandparents dog and lived in a numb daze a lot of the time. However, I was lucky in that I had my parents there for me and two good noodles friends named Nicole and Claire who put up with my craziness and for some strange reason still wanted to be friends. Siriusly Seriously though, they really helped me in so many ways and inspired to give me hope.

What do I want for 2014? I mainly hope that I can settle and try to find stability. I don’t want to make major plans for the future until I am at a place where I am thinking clearly and can handle all that goes with major decisions (take 2012, where I thought my only option was to start a business). I hope that I will reach out for help and keep striving to get to a good place while also still working on creative projects and sharing love with the people I care about.

Now for some kind of random things. :B

Continue reading…

Kya

IMG_4172

Blog shuffling again

So I decided to shuffle things around again and now have my blog back on a self-hosted WordPress and plan on using it as a personal blog, as it has been for a long time. I was rather inspired by Liz and how honest her blog is and thought that I should really do that too. I also decided to restore all of my old blog posts (from 2003 onwards). Many of these older entries are pretty crazy, but they are mine and I shouldn’t hide from them, at least I know I have grown as a person (… hopefully).

Because I haven’t designed a website for a long time (let alone a WordPress theme) I decided to purchase one. So I brought Keilir which I think is rather awesome and should work well until I decide to make my own theme again.

I have kept the previous posts I was making of daily inspiration/creative things and moved those to moon.nu which I will still continue to work on.

There hasn’t been a lot going on at the moment, or rather nothing exciting. I am trying to deal with a lot of mental health issues, that I might address later.

:wub:

Kya

The day the hosting stopped

When I got my very first domain name in 2003 what I really wanted to do was be able to host other people. It seemed like such a cool thing to do, host someone’s site. At the time I couldn’t because the space I purchased didn’t even have cPanel and was so basic. I was disappointed, but carried on with my site hoping one day I could host others.

In 2005 when I was finally able to purchase a reseller, I was so excited to have more space and control, but I was mainly so thrilled that I could now host other people. It wasn’t until I think 2006ish that I opened a site to host people ‘officially’ that was called Tehlove. I had a huge amount of fun on the website and got a dedicated server for the first time which was so marvelous. Everything seemed to be going so well I decided to offer paid hosting. But then things kind of fell apart a bit and I couldn’t afford to pay for the server, so had to cancel it.

After getting back on my feet in 2008 I really missed hosting other people and wanted to try again. I first opened a site to host fansites and fanlistings called fanmagic. But, realising that I did want to host other sites as well decided to open a main hosting site for everyone, which was Bubble or Bubble Hosting.

Bubble was such a great achievement I am proud of. I really put my heart and soul into trying to make everyone happy, offer lots of prizes and really provide amazing space for free. Because Bubble grew to a base of over 400 members I had to once again upgrade to a dedicated server. I will admit there were times when I could have been more persistent and did become slack sometimes, however from 2008 till present day there has been a lot of stresses in my life.

After running Bubble for 4 years, in 2012 I made the decision to open a business. The business was called Klue and offered paid hosting, as well as keeping all previous members of Bubble still there for free. It was kind of a rocky road mentally and emotionally, because my grandfather passed away and trying to focus was difficult (as well as some other health issues).

I tried to run Klue, but it just didn’t work the way I planned. In January 2013 I placed it on hiatus. In June 2013 I notified the majority of members that I would no longer be offering free hosting, except to a few friends and in July 2013 I cancelled the dedicated server and migrated to a reseller account.

It was rather difficult to have to stop hosting again. I really loved sharing the space and didn’t want to give up the dedicated server because it worked so well, but the cost was just too much when I couldn’t get everything going as planned.

I guess I seem to run into bad luck with hosting when I start charging people, or asking for payment. Probably because when I do, I feel guilty about it and makes it suddenly very serious. In reality I know if you have space you have to pay and if you have a big server then you need some money towards it. I just felt silly about it.

I would love to try and host again in the future, but I don’t want to let other people down. I have tried twice in the past and had to cancel both times. Maybe if I just had an unlimited income that would be fine haha.

I am lucky to have hosted the people I did, made new friends and communicated with a whole lot of awesome people. I have learned a lot of lessons and tried my best.

Kya

kinky

Goodbye Friend

Yesterday I lost my dear friend and doggie, Kinky. She was an old dog and became very ill. It was so sad to see her so sick and to go through so much that I had to make the awful decision to have her put to sleep. I wish I didn’t have to do it, but she was becoming sicker and sicker and I didn’t want her to have to go through such trauma. I was very close to her, we formed a special bond and loved each other. She hated to be away from me, so I stayed with her until the end so she was not alone. I am really going to miss her and I am lucky that I was able to have a special animal friend like her in my life.

Kya

Thinking Tuesday: Life as it ages

Life is a complicated journey. Before I cared for my grandparents I didn’t understand or think about it the same way as I do now. I was happy skimming through life, hoping that things would come my way and that everything would just work out fine, bad things wouldn’t happen, everything would end up roses and sunshine. There were of course times before caring for them that I battled hard with depression and sometimes would just lie in bed all day, sulking in my own demons.

When I started to care for my grandparents I was diagnosed with depression and given medication to treat it. It made a big difference to me and balanced out the chemicals that sent me to dark places. But even if I was being treated, I believe that the real lessons of life came from looking after the two soles I had grown up with, my Nanna and Poppy. There were moments of great joy and times when I felt so sick with worry my whole body would shake. Even through those hard times it showed how solid the bond I had for my family, to treat the special moments as precious as they are, how wonderful my true friends are and how strong the human spirit can be.

I watched my Nanna go from a beautiful comical person who would often make two sided jokes to someone who was serious, angry and did not know her own home and some of her family. I watched her leave this earth and felt her spirit in the next. I watched my grandfather go from a strong man helping me learn to drive into someone fragile and ill. It makes me sad that he has to be in a nursing home at the moment because I love him so dearly, and his mind is still very sharp, his body is just slowly letting him down, as age does to all.

Something that has been hard to watch as my grandfather gets older is how many friends and relatives he has lost in the last two years (even within the last month it has been a lot). Imagine watching the people who you are close to now dying, no longer being there to have a chat with, send an email to or call. It would be such a horrible thing to go through, especially when you felt ill yourself. Even though it is a morbid thought, it also makes you appreciate the people around you, or it does for me.

I know the time will eventually come when my Poppy will leave this world too. It is very scary because he has been such a huge part of my life, but I am so lucky to have known him, to have been their to help him when he needed my care and as a reminder that we have to appreciate the living energy around us. I am lucky to have a close relationship with my mum who is a constant rock, and is so understanding that we help each other in so many ways, sometimes just being in the same room is enough to sooth the unsaid.

There will be dark moments in the future and there will be vibrant tones of joy. I will grow and understand more, but I will carry my lessons of age with me, and approach life with a different understanding and appreciation.

Kya

The year that was Twenty Eleven

2011 was a year of adjustments that although were not as turbulent as the previous year, still required a great deal of emotional energy to adapt. It was not a bad year, there were moments of great happiness scattered through that in many ways even out the complex situations that life can dish. I feel that through this year I have been able to grow, become stronger and hopefully wiser about myself, the world and my place in it. There is still a lot I have to learn about life, and I believe that 2012 is going to show me a lot more and test boundaries I never knew.

The most significant events that happened in 2011 were: My grandfather becoming very ill several times and almost passing away, and because of that deterioration of health had to go into a nursing home. My childhood cat Pocket died after suffering with cancer (we also lost a pet bird). My great uncle passed away about a week before christmas which was really upsetting. Living on my own. I traveled to Sydney and had an amazing time, not only being able to see Krissy and Clare but also to explore the city and eat Macarons and Sushi for the first time (omg delicious!). I created a lot of website designs, continued to expand my illustration skills and work on Bubble Hosting. I also began the process to transforming Bubble from a hobby into an official business and this will continue to unfold into the new year.

I hope that 2012 will be a year of many opportunities, ones that I can reach up and take. Nothing is ever easy and it is because of the hard work we have to do that we are able to learn life lessons. I look forward to working hard and trying my best.

Now, a list of resolutions!

- Work hard on Bubble Hosting
- Create many website designs (good designs I am happy with)
- Create and sell illustrations on stock websites
- Take photographs everyday
- Write, draw, design or do something creative each day (aside from photography)
- Keep a daily journal, reflecting honestly on my thoughts and feelings
- Do more walking/exercise and become healthier
- Quit smoking and drink more water
- FINALLY publish my children’s book

Finally, Dad and I played our annual game of cricket. He won again. He is really starting to get a winning reputation in our game (he won the previous two years, eeek). Look out next year!

How has your year been?

Kya

And the beat starts pumping

I finally feel as if things are starting to settle into some form of normalcy and I am starting to get excited about the future. Today has been one of those good days where I have been able to accomplish a lot and start to see the future is not so dark, I can generate fire to shine my way.

Today I: Replied to emails on Bubble, replied to support tickets on Bubble, processed applications on Bubble, listed numerous domains on Namecheap for sale to have more finance for Bubble, replied to messages on Pop, enrolled in my next unit for University and received a reply from a photographer I know and admire who likes my photographs and wants me to share my personal favorites of my own photos with him and he will give me his opinion (I am really excited about this!! 3_3 ).

Yesterday I also asked a family member if I could have a loan (they said yes, woo). I don’t believe I have mentioned this on my blog yet, but I plan to start a business. I have been madly researching the ins and outs of creating one and it is a complicated process. However, I feel that it is something that is going to be a really good direction for me, and will allow me to flourish in both design and hosting (hopefully). I still have to work out a business name and how Bubble will be incorporated into it, or if it will remain a stand alone project *pondering*.

I have also been continuing with my work on my children’s book, and plan on having another blog update soon on my process with this. :B

Kya

Bad luck is following me…

At the moment I feel like there is a black shadow following me around. I am unable to concentrate and feel numb. This hasn’t just hit me out of nowhere and rather then go into everything I will simply list the negative and positive things that have been happening in my life at the moment.

Negatives

  • My grandfather has been very ill and has been in hospital for several weeks. He almost died several times and he is stable at the moment but his health is not improving. This opens up the question of care in a home. My mother and I dread the though of having to do this to him, but on the same token he is 24 hour high care and because he is so ill, can we cope if he was in his own house?
  • My oldest cat Pocket almost died last week. She was choking with fluid on her lungs. Mum got the fluid off her lungs, but the vet told us after giving her a scan that she has cancer and has a very large tumor. She has a lot of trouble breathing and she is on medication to help, it just hurts to see her so unwell.
  • I have a bladder infection which is driving me crazy.
  • My great uncle I adore had a heart attack.
  • One of my birds, Poodle died.
  • My fortnightly money I received from the government was cancelled because I forgot some paperwork.
  • I received a $500 phone bill and doesn’t make sense.
  • Because I have no money coming in now I am stressing about what to do.

Positives

  • I am at home.
  • I can sleep in.

I wish I didn’t have so much negative energy swirling around me. I know that my outlook and depressed attitude can make things seem even worse. I will try and focus on my designs and photography to take my mind into a productive and hopefully positive direction.

Kya