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Life and things

There have been a lot of things going on recently. Most of them have been ‘dsjdkhiuhasdajkh DOOM’ but there have also been a few good things too.

I have had ear trouble for the last five months. It started as an ear infection, then turned into something that the last four doctors don’t know what it is (yay). So I have to wait until November to see a specialist. At least twice a month if gets so much pressure/throbbing and builds up with fluid and really hurts. After a while it kind of leaks out. Ew.

My mum went on holiday for two weeks so I had some time to myself. I did miss her, so it was nice to see her when she got back.

My dear cat Tigger who was around 17 passed away. She got very ill and was at the vet for a week. It was first thought she had an infection, but it looks more likely it was some form of bowel cancer. The vet suggested we have her put down, but we couldn’t do it. I wish we had of done that now, because her death was very hard. :(

My dads bird Flapper (who was around 5) also passed away. I am not sure what happened, but he suddenly got very quiet. We brought him inside the day before he died, I checked on him a lot. But he passed away while I was not with him (I don’t like anything to be alone if it is going to pass) so that was sad.

I have made some progress on my ‘mental health battle’. I was able to speak with a health professional who actually listened and seemed to care. So I have a start, in hopefully a good direction.

Kate sent me some lovely gifts, a cute owl friend and a lovely candle that smells really nice. The card was also wonderful! (Image of these under the cut.) THANK YOU!

Continue reading…

Kya

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Blog shuffling again

So I decided to shuffle things around again and now have my blog back on a self-hosted WordPress and plan on using it as a personal blog, as it has been for a long time. I was rather inspired by Liz and how honest her blog is and thought that I should really do that too. I also decided to restore all of my old blog posts (from 2003 onwards). Many of these older entries are pretty crazy, but they are mine and I shouldn’t hide from them, at least I know I have grown as a person (… hopefully).

Because I haven’t designed a website for a long time (let alone a WordPress theme) I decided to purchase one. So I brought Keilir which I think is rather awesome and should work well until I decide to make my own theme again.

I have kept the previous posts I was making of daily inspiration/creative things and moved those to moon.nu which I will still continue to work on.

There hasn’t been a lot going on at the moment, or rather nothing exciting. I am trying to deal with a lot of mental health issues, that I might address later.

:wub:

Kya

Into my world and feelings fly.

I sit in my bedroom and see hundreds of doors waiting to be opened and explored, with vast worlds and universes behind each and every one of them. But I sit here and struggle to find my own. I’m a teenager, a child, a squirming organism on the cusp of evolution, but this gives me no clue to my identity, or my path to a brighter and more fulfilling world. I’m supposedly an adult, but what does this truly mean, especially if one can not grasp the simplicities of life. Perhaps what I want, what I really strive to obtain is already at my fingertips and I feel too guilty, too scared to recognise, feel and embrace it. Does it take a shift of tectonic proportions to alter my way of thinking, to break free of a closed mind, or am I too idle to ever try. Maybe, just maybe, without thinking or trying to justify every situation in existence you have to let it run free, and follow its natural process. But how do you stop a straying mind that wants to fear each angle of a sphered humanity. I can’t pretend that I am a human god, unbreakable and strong sitting on a pedestal. I’m a face in a crowd with dreams and aspirations, one that is lucky to be granted many missed opportunities.

I do not say that I am living in a black hole of no hope. I just try to widen my perspective that each day is the same and no matter the clothes or disguises it wears I can not escape it. I can not pretend that I am able to pause or rewind lost time or live in each moment as if the seconds are slowing. I must be awake to the realisation that this is here, this is now and this moment will never be again, but it has been in my life and I can only admire that it has. I do not need to feel doomed by this reality but try, however hard it may be to embrace this and use it to push myself up and out of a burrowed place. I am one of the billions, I am not gifted, smart or brave and it may take years to fully understand this. But who I am, and what I can master in my own time can not be controlled by the minds of others. In a universal language I am only a small entity and the field of life around me, I hope to leave perhaps a small memory, one that does not fret and worry as much as I have.

I try not to pretend in the reality that is, but when my time and desires are spent in creating ones that are not, a fine line must be walked.

Kya