The day the hosting stopped

When I got my very first domain name in 2003 what I really wanted to do was be able to host other people. It seemed like such a cool thing to do, host someone’s site. At the time I couldn’t because the space I purchased didn’t even have cPanel and was so basic. I was disappointed, but carried on with my site hoping one day I could host others.

In 2005 when I was finally able to purchase a reseller, I was so excited to have more space and control, but I was mainly so thrilled that I could now host other people. It wasn’t until I think 2006ish that I opened a site to host people ‘officially’ that was called Tehlove. I had a huge amount of fun on the website and got a dedicated server for the first time which was so marvelous. Everything seemed to be going so well I decided to offer paid hosting. But then things kind of fell apart a bit and I couldn’t afford to pay for the server, so had to cancel it.

After getting back on my feet in 2008 I really missed hosting other people and wanted to try again. I first opened a site to host fansites and fanlistings called fanmagic. But, realising that I did want to host other sites as well decided to open a main hosting site for everyone, which was Bubble or Bubble Hosting.

Bubble was such a great achievement I am proud of. I really put my heart and soul into trying to make everyone happy, offer lots of prizes and really provide amazing space for free. Because Bubble grew to a base of over 400 members I had to once again upgrade to a dedicated server. I will admit there were times when I could have been more persistent and did become slack sometimes, however from 2008 till present day there has been a lot of stresses in my life.

After running Bubble for 4 years, in 2012 I made the decision to open a business. The business was called Klue and offered paid hosting, as well as keeping all previous members of Bubble still there for free. It was kind of a rocky road mentally and emotionally, because my grandfather passed away and trying to focus was difficult (as well as some other health issues).

I tried to run Klue, but it just didn’t work the way I planned. In January 2013 I placed it on hiatus. In June 2013 I notified the majority of members that I would no longer be offering free hosting, except to a few friends and in July 2013 I cancelled the dedicated server and migrated to a reseller account.

It was rather difficult to have to stop hosting again. I really loved sharing the space and didn’t want to give up the dedicated server because it worked so well, but the cost was just too much when I couldn’t get everything going as planned.

I guess I seem to run into bad luck with hosting when I start charging people, or asking for payment. Probably because when I do, I feel guilty about it and makes it suddenly very serious. In reality I know if you have space you have to pay and if you have a big server then you need some money towards it. I just felt silly about it.

I would love to try and host again in the future, but I don’t want to let other people down. I have tried twice in the past and had to cancel both times. Maybe if I just had an unlimited income that would be fine haha.

I am lucky to have hosted the people I did, made new friends and communicated with a whole lot of awesome people. I have learned a lot of lessons and tried my best.



Goodbye Friend

Yesterday I lost my dear friend and doggie, Kinky. She was an old dog and became very ill. It was so sad to see her so sick and to go through so much that I had to make the awful decision to have her put to sleep. I wish I didn’t have to do it, but she was becoming sicker and sicker and I didn’t want her to have to go through such trauma. I was very close to her, we formed a special bond and loved each other. She hated to be away from me, so I stayed with her until the end so she was not alone. I am really going to miss her and I am lucky that I was able to have a special animal friend like her in my life.


*Falls Over*

Somehow I did manage to make a new theme, and here you have it. There may be a few problems but I shall try and iron them out as soon as possible. If you notice anything a little bit noodley let me know! :D I also have the feeling that I may have forgotten something, which I probably have. Once I have actually had sleep I may figure that mystery out. ;D

In a quest to have a normal sleeping pattern I’m going to stay up all day today, uh oh.


In a world that has been

I have been adding my poetry to my computer and stumbled over several old fan fiction stories I had written for Harry Potter role plays several of my friends created with me. It made me remember how much I loved those days, when I would wake up and be so excited about the prospect of what the characters in the world we had created would do. It seemed so real, so reliable and free. That time has sadly passed and even if I have tried to capture it again I can’t. It was an age when nothing else but the obsession and love for the characters and the imaginary environment could burn though. Now life scolds me and makes me look at the bigger picture, what a cruel and ugly woe.


Can this be a falling leaf, from heavens tree

I am feeling rather low at the moment. Normally I just ignore it and think about something else, rather then blab on about it here. But I feel like I have to rip it from my chest to stop the black demon sucking the life from my soul.

Mum and I have been arguing a lot this past week. We usually get on very well, but we have been rude and unforgiving. I will even admit that most of it if not 90% is probably my fault. For being locked in this dark place, trying to find some air. We did have a mild conversation today, she had to agree with me when I said I wasn’t really good for anything right now. I am neither supportive or provide anything useful to them, or anyone really. I am somewhat of a leech, just sucking the rewards from others. I don’t try to do this on purpose I am just so angry and lost at the moment and probably have been for a while.

An added insult is the fact we have mice in the house at the moment. Most likely they came from the holes Dad drilled right through the floor for the TV. I bailed out of my own room, because it didn’t feel clean and slept in another room. I went to get into that bed today (which is up the other end of the hall), pulled back the covers and a mouse was scurying around. It was making a nest in the pillow. The same one I slept on that night before. I know why the cat was running mentally on the bed and sniffing around. I even woke up at one point thinking it was a mouse she was after, but just thought I was being paranoid because of them being in my own room.

I don’t want to kill or harm the mice, I just don’t like having them in my room or the house. It makes me feel unsettled and unclean. I will have to take everything out of my room and clean it individually to get rid of any germs and look for mice if there is any still here. Then try and plug up the giant holes.

Sometimes being an emotional/creative person can be a tough challenge. Like usual I’ll wake up one day and think of some other stupid thing I want or think I can do and smile on the inside, but still have that stupid look on my face. Maybe I should try and get the problem fixed. But half the time I can never talk about the things locked down deep inside. I try, but then think whoever I talk with that they are not really interested and my vocals unimportant. Or my words get twisted up and the meaning of what I am saying gets lost and they just think I am talking about nothing. But, then. Perhaps nothing is everything and I am nothing itself.

I’ll take a rest for a few days, and try to get my head on. I’ve said a few times I wish I was dead and I don’t think I mean that completely. There is indeed some part that wants to live. I just go like a yoyo and I don’t think that is probably healthy. For me or anyone else that has to deal with it.


Into my world and feelings fly.

I sit in my bedroom and see hundreds of doors waiting to be opened and explored, with vast worlds and universes behind each and every one of them. But I sit here and struggle to find my own. I’m a teenager, a child, a squirming organism on the cusp of evolution, but this gives me no clue to my identity, or my path to a brighter and more fulfilling world. I’m supposedly an adult, but what does this truly mean, especially if one can not grasp the simplicities of life. Perhaps what I want, what I really strive to obtain is already at my fingertips and I feel too guilty, too scared to recognise, feel and embrace it. Does it take a shift of tectonic proportions to alter my way of thinking, to break free of a closed mind, or am I too idle to ever try. Maybe, just maybe, without thinking or trying to justify every situation in existence you have to let it run free, and follow its natural process. But how do you stop a straying mind that wants to fear each angle of a sphered humanity. I can’t pretend that I am a human god, unbreakable and strong sitting on a pedestal. I’m a face in a crowd with dreams and aspirations, one that is lucky to be granted many missed opportunities.

I do not say that I am living in a black hole of no hope. I just try to widen my perspective that each day is the same and no matter the clothes or disguises it wears I can not escape it. I can not pretend that I am able to pause or rewind lost time or live in each moment as if the seconds are slowing. I must be awake to the realisation that this is here, this is now and this moment will never be again, but it has been in my life and I can only admire that it has. I do not need to feel doomed by this reality but try, however hard it may be to embrace this and use it to push myself up and out of a burrowed place. I am one of the billions, I am not gifted, smart or brave and it may take years to fully understand this. But who I am, and what I can master in my own time can not be controlled by the minds of others. In a universal language I am only a small entity and the field of life around me, I hope to leave perhaps a small memory, one that does not fret and worry as much as I have.

I try not to pretend in the reality that is, but when my time and desires are spent in creating ones that are not, a fine line must be walked.


So, what’s your I.Q?

I have always felt so very strongly that people should not be organised with a number and told how good they are while being valued by a score. I.Q tests in there current form, really annoy me. It is no secret that I am not academically minded, my maths is something to be ashamed of and that I have over the years struggled to learn things the ‘normal way’ but the thing is, sometimes you find people that think, act and are in general, just different.

I watched this very interesting show and how a few ‘rouge’ professors and in my opinion the future brains of our world want to radically change the way I.Q tests are constructed. They understand that people can have intelligence in different forms and there is not one set structure. It is true that some people may have a mind that covers a wide variety of fields and this makes them incredibly developed. You might have a creative intelligence, an emotional or intuitive intelligence as well as an array of others and I think this should certainly be nurtured. I couldn’t imagine how many people have taken an I.Q test, got a low or average score suspected they are dumb when they are not and wasted what could have been a prosperous life.

I am certainly not saying I believe I am a genius. I would be the first to admit I am not the smartest, but I don’t believe I am stupid. I feel like I understand things in a way that is complex and hard to explain. Like life is this ball spinning in circles and I am standing far a way watching and observing it and able to place my hand and withdraw knowledge from its core and it will flow freely into my being.

For people who are similar to me, it can be a rough journey trying to figure out what you can do because you have a system that does not have faith in you, doesn’t understand or appreciate the level of intelligence you do hold. I hate to see any creative energy wasted and I hope the future will allow us to understand people and not be so judgemental on them when they have a chance and most of all see people as they are; a living and breathing soul with ability to make a divine mark.


What do you call this?

Welcome 2008 I see you are here and you seem to have brought me something new. For the first time in forever, my nails are actually growing and I have not had the erge to bite them. Weird. I think perhaps it may be the aliens.

As you may be able to see I have changed the look and feel of the site. It took me a while to come up with a theme I really liked, and this is good enough. I went through the whole Me section and revamped everything, so have a browse if you like. :) I have also added a collection of my movies, because I finally added them all into the database. You can view the list here but watch out, I own 940 Arrrrh wtf mate.

I’m reading a book called Court In The Middle by Andrew Fraser. It would show up on Shelfari if it was in their database, but it’s not that popular but I have to say I am really liking it. Something about biographies that deal with crime and those that have been knocked by the Prison System. This book is about a lawyer (Andrew) who won many big cases and his life became involved with the high fliers and drugs were introduced, he then went on a downward spiral and ended up in jail and because of his status and cases he had pursued in the past he was treated ‘unfairly’. It also shines a light on the state of the Prison System and how lives can really change. If you are into that type of thing, I would defiantly recommend it.

Okay, I’m all good now. :D


2 days

omg I talked to Kaori on the phone last night and she rocks!! I just adore her, you thought she was nice on the net well x that but 1000 she is just the sweetest!! It was so wonderful I can’t wait to talk to her again some time big grin

I didn’t get up long ago, the phone rang and disturbed my slumber sad but not to worry I have many things I must think about doing but now sure if I will get them done…….. hmmm decisions decisions.

2 days!! THAT is so freaky I’m starting to hope I don’t get a wrinkle for my birthday haha that could be NOT funny. cool eh?

Everylittle fish is having their birthday at the moment it’s a Pisces generation *sings in the musical* Now let my mind say that Eleni, Sheeda, Mezzy and many other wonderful friends have had birthdays and Aimee hasn’t yet but will the same day as me big grin big grin w00t.

Urk I need to start doing things because I am lazy I should probably go and rack the yard or clean my room, bloody parties arrrrrh but we love the turning of time OR NOT. mwuahaha byeeee.