TAG: Thoughts

Twenty Eight

On March 11, I turned 28. It wasn’t all doomy and gloomy, but it did feel strange. Yesterday I thought I was only a teen, and now I am inching towards 30.

I think the most important thing that I realised is; I don’t have to act my age, I only have to be myself. My age does not define who I am or dictate how I should live.

The day the hosting stopped

When I got my very first domain name in 2003 what I really wanted to do was be able to host other people. It seemed like such a cool thing to do, host someone’s site. At the time I couldn’t because the space I purchased didn’t even have cPanel and was so basic. I was disappointed, but carried on with my site hoping one day I could host others.

In 2005 when I was finally able to purchase a reseller, I was so excited to have more space and control, but I was mainly so thrilled that I could now host other people. It wasn’t until I think 2006ish that I opened a site to host people ‘officially’ that was called Tehlove. I had a huge amount of fun on the website and got a dedicated server for the first time which was so marvelous. Everything seemed to be going so well I decided to offer paid hosting. But then things kind of fell apart a bit and I couldn’t afford to pay for the server, so had to cancel it.

After getting back on my feet in 2008 I really missed hosting other people and wanted to try again. I first opened a site to host fansites and fanlistings called fanmagic. But, realising that I did want to host other sites as well decided to open a main hosting site for everyone, which was Bubble or Bubble Hosting.

Bubble was such a great achievement I am proud of. I really put my heart and soul into trying to make everyone happy, offer lots of prizes and really provide amazing space for free. Because Bubble grew to a base of over 400 members I had to once again upgrade to a dedicated server. I will admit there were times when I could have been more persistent and did become slack sometimes, however from 2008 till present day there has been a lot of stresses in my life.

After running Bubble for 4 years, in 2012 I made the decision to open a business. The business was called Klue and offered paid hosting, as well as keeping all previous members of Bubble still there for free. It was kind of a rocky road mentally and emotionally, because my grandfather passed away and trying to focus was difficult (as well as some other health issues).

I tried to run Klue, but it just didn’t work the way I planned. In January 2013 I placed it on hiatus. In June 2013 I notified the majority of members that I would no longer be offering free hosting, except to a few friends and in July 2013 I cancelled the dedicated server and migrated to a reseller account.

It was rather difficult to have to stop hosting again. I really loved sharing the space and didn’t want to give up the dedicated server because it worked so well, but the cost was just too much when I couldn’t get everything going as planned.

I guess I seem to run into bad luck with hosting when I start charging people, or asking for payment. Probably because when I do, I feel guilty about it and makes it suddenly very serious. In reality I know if you have space you have to pay and if you have a big server then you need some money towards it. I just felt silly about it.

I would love to try and host again in the future, but I don’t want to let other people down. I have tried twice in the past and had to cancel both times. Maybe if I just had an unlimited income that would be fine haha.

I am lucky to have hosted the people I did, made new friends and communicated with a whole lot of awesome people. I have learned a lot of lessons and tried my best.

Thinking Tuesday: Reflections On Happiness

Last week I blogged about the idea of the basis of human nature and need either based on Happiness or instinctual feelings gained through evolution. I have had time to reflect on this during the week, because I was undecided about which it was.

I believe that two options is too simple for the basis of human nature or what we search for. There are many more layers that merge together, and although I am not scientific enough to provide evidence or a true hypothesis for my theories, I am entitled to my own beliefs or ideas.

Personally, the question of what we are searching for in life may be a need to fulfil, to live, to exist, to be. Are these connected to happiness, in some ways they are and in some ways they are not. Are we following what our brain sends to our body or are we following what our soul sends to our mind, sends to our body? Are we simply just living as we do, and there are certain parts of life that make it more pleasant or enjoyments we have discovered simply by chance and coincidence? The more I think about it, the more questions that begin to roll off, and the further away I go from a true answer.

I do not know the answer, I can never know what we are searching for. I can only try and realise what I am searching for in life, and that is the starting point that I should begin with, rather to try and understand the needs of humanity. I do want happiness, but I also want knowledge, understanding, kindness and equality. I want emotions to be forged into my life. I do not want to live in a violent, over complicated world, but I will accept (or try) the world because although I can make differences, I can not change the choices and decisions of others. Happiness is a direction that I stear towards, but I do not finding my driving force behind my spirit. It feels more of a need to be, to understand and learn. Learning in the form of life, not just from a classroom. I believe we all have lessons that we must learn in life and things are different for everyone one of us. Happiness is something that we should have in our life and should strive towards because it enables us to see that we are all human and although we may have many different personalities we are the same too, and should be more united by that fact.

What are your thoughts?

Next week I would like to think about something a bit different and hopefully not as complicated, so my mind does not feel like it is rolling in on itself. ;p

Thinking Tuesday: Human Nature

Is the basis of human nature based on the search for happiness or are we primal beings content on animal instincts?

What do you think?

To try and summarise the extent of the complex nature of human beings as existing either one way or another is rather vacant in how we live our lives. At the core, it does enable us to question are we searching for happiness or trying to fulfil basic instinctual needs?

Personally, this is a question I can’t answer, and I am not sure on what may be right or wrong. I can only absorb from my own perspective, when there is so much more I have yet to see. My unclear opinion considers both sides. Happiness does appear to be a constant search for people in life, but on the other hand there seems to be a continual emphasis on a physical desire and aggression amongst some in the world. Perhaps these two work together, one fighting the other until the victor decides what path we will take, or maybe we just exist as we are and are not as complex and important as we think?

Happiness means something different to all of us. Laughter, family, friends and doing what we love. I know many people that strive to have this feeling and even personally want to have a great deal of happiness in my life. It seems like such a pure and uplifting way to give life with more meaning. But how, if happiness is what we are all striving for, how do people kill, abuse, hurt and abandon others? Is it a lack of happiness that they experienced, an event or trauma that blocked the chance of a balance existing or clouds blocking out the sun of what they are entitled too, or perhaps even a tradition of happiness being oppressed by generations of hate burned into the mind?

Primal, animal instincts. Depending on your religious/scientific association on the evolution of life this idea may be irrelevant or a clear understanding of how human behaviour occurs. We are constantly shown in the news and media images of violence, the pecking order, sex and reminds of what is either right or wrong, left or right wing, be in the pack or out of it. But, could this really be how on a very basic level we function. Instead of happiness are we searching for a desire to possess, hunting for what we want from one moment to the next, or long term protection for our pack?

I wish that the true measure of our nature was to absorb happiness, perhaps the optimistic view. Do I believe that this is the way we are? I can’t answer yes or no, because I am divided between how I feel and how some of the world is shown to us, but then what we can see can be filtered, washed down, with the truth sometimes distorted. I want to say yes, but a part of me feels conflicted with the logical idea that we may rely more on a primal need. How then does a spiritual connection interact with this idea, perhaps it is connected with a way for happiness to reach us on a different enlightened level.

Perhaps if I reflect on this idea during the week and see how my thoughts have changed on next thinking Tuesday I will also have a greater respect for my own ideas.

In posting this entry I have not meant any disrespect to those with religions views, I respect all people and simply wanted to share my muddled thoughts on an issue.

Thinking Tuesday: Technology Dies

I have been asking myself this question a lot lately; What would I do if technology died? If we had no power, no internet, no form of modern communication networks (computers, telephones, mobiles, television, iPods, iPads, ianything)?

I would have a terribly hard time adjusting to this change because I rely on technology so much that I would feel completely helpless and cut off from everything. I spend a great amount of time on the internet, creating websites, using my computer to design, chatting with friends and even for school. I have my future plans tied in with the internet, that if something happened I would in some ways feel like my future had gone and all the years I had spent preparing and learning what I wanted would be gone in an instant.

It really is a scary thought in some ways, that I rely on something so much that could in a flash be gone. I know you have to have faith in some things, otherwise you allow fear to rule every part of you. Perhaps I should allow more time to focus on the natural, tangible world, or at least imagination on paper?

What would you do if technology dies?