A few things have been going on at the moment, so I will put them in categories and talk the day away. Also, many thanks for the comments on my last entry. I have a lot of strange dreams and most of the time they are in great detail which I love because it feels like I am living in another world, and can give me good inspiration and ideas for stories.
On the 22nd for those who may not know marks the 10th year that Michael Hutchence has been gone from this world. Michael was a singer, songwriter, rock star, extroverted / introverted soul that was almost unreadable, and I say this because even in his fame, he was still an amazing person who took an interest in the stories of other people and respected life as it was. I could write a million reasons why he was so wonderful, but I may just start crying again, so instead I have a song I have written. Just words, I don’t want to destroy it with my out of tune vocals. You can find them at the end of the entry, reading more.
Today is Election Day for those who reside in the wonderful country of Australia. I have no problem publicly saying I will be voting for the Labor party because I believe they will do the best for our country and deserve the chance to prove themselves. Not to mention the current Prime Minister has said that he will retire if he is re elected, so it becomes a vote for his off-sider which I can’t stand. No way in hell would I vote for Howard. I do like Kevin Rudd (Labor) I just hope he will do well, he has nerd power to the max and sometimes you can’t help but feel embarrassed for him, but nerd power please! Tonight we will know the results, I just hope Kevin 07 can live the dream. *snort*
Writing and Life.
I had lots of plans for the future and the door is still open, but one thing that has always been apart of me is the idea of me writing. I don’t think this could ever really be taken away from me. Sometimes it does become silenced when I am going through a ‘down stage’ but I just have so much fun/anger/love for it. Sometimes I feel a little bit like a lost soul and I guess this might be normal. I wonder who I am, and think I am this person, but really it’s a place I want to live in another world and maybe in fiction and who I am is different, so far away from it I wonder why I could ever assume that in the first place. Confusing right? It only just accrued to me, that maybe the desire for me to be so different at the same time might be my need to try and express different personalities of people. What I mean is, a single day I sometimes wish I was ten different people. The one who is beautiful, the one who is smart, tall, skinny, male, female. I know it’s normal for people to imagine themselves with the things they desire, but mine stretches that a bit and sometimes it imagines other people as if they were me, but different. Maybe I am just talking garbage and this is normal, I would never know I have always been a bit of an oddball.
My fear I have is can I be a writer? Could I be able to do this for my future, and how could I support myself while I tried. It’s always been like a dream that clung to my soul, but I don’t think I have ever thought about it really logically (which I have trouble doing with most things). I’m not a very social person in the outside world, I stay in my house a lot, and have limited company of people. The normal things that people do without a second thought scare me deeply that I realize how silly it is. It makes me wonder how I could do anything else besides writing or Web design. I don’t hate people, I just feel like they are in a different world. Sometimes you meet people that are in the same as you, and they are the special friends who understand. You can talk to them in perfect English and they don’t need to translate.
I have never thought of myself as a smart person. There are big gaps in my education that I need to fix and sometimes I even doubt my creative abilities. But I do feel like I have something that makes me different. It has been strange, during my life, growing up and at High School I was the one people always assumed would do wonderful things in life. I want to do them, I want to write and share my work but I am so scared of never reaching that goal that I hide from it. It is such a ridiculous cycle, I should be laughing at myself and getting out and trying. But I am going to try.
I have been starting a number of stories. I won’t go into great detail. But the first one the characters appeared to me. Almost like a vision you could say. I saw them standing next to each other, looking up at me. I can see their faces, the clothes they are wearing and they have not left my mind at all. There is also another character that stands away from them in the distance, but he is not as clear, I am sure he will develop soon. And another weird thing, I was looking for the names of them. Four I found very easily, and the last one I had a selection of names. When I had five, it then occurred to me that they were all related and I had not known, so that in itself gave me a million ideas. Sometimes it feels like your brain is on fire, with these characters buzzing around. Then again, maybe I am really just insane.
I guess what I am trying to say. I am scared of doing anything but living my dream and at the same time I am scared of my dream in the idea that I might fail at it.
And so ends, my long ramble. Sometimes you just feel like you have something to say and have to get it out. I could probably write a lot more, but some things need to stay in your own mind, and I have probably revealed a lot here anyway.