Thinking Tuesday: Life as it ages

Life is a complicated journey. Before I cared for my grandparents I didn’t understand or think about it the same way as I do now. I was happy skimming through life, hoping that things would come my way and that everything would just work out fine, bad things wouldn’t happen, everything would end up roses and sunshine. There were of course times before caring for them that I battled hard with depression and sometimes would just lie in bed all day, sulking in my own demons.

When I started to care for my grandparents I was diagnosed with depression and given medication to treat it. It made a big difference to me and balanced out the chemicals that sent me to dark places. But even if I was being treated, I believe that the real lessons of life came from looking after the two soles I had grown up with, my Nanna and Poppy. There were moments of great joy and times when I felt so sick with worry my whole body would shake. Even through those hard times it showed how solid the bond I had for my family, to treat the special moments as precious as they are, how wonderful my true friends are and how strong the human spirit can be.

I watched my Nanna go from a beautiful comical person who would often make two sided jokes to someone who was serious, angry and did not know her own home and some of her family. I watched her leave this earth and felt her spirit in the next. I watched my grandfather go from a strong man helping me learn to drive into someone fragile and ill. It makes me sad that he has to be in a nursing home at the moment because I love him so dearly, and his mind is still very sharp, his body is just slowly letting him down, as age does to all.

Something that has been hard to watch as my grandfather gets older is how many friends and relatives he has lost in the last two years (even within the last month it has been a lot). Imagine watching the people who you are close to now dying, no longer being there to have a chat with, send an email to or call. It would be such a horrible thing to go through, especially when you felt ill yourself. Even though it is a morbid thought, it also makes you appreciate the people around you, or it does for me.

I know the time will eventually come when my Poppy will leave this world too. It is very scary because he has been such a huge part of my life, but I am so lucky to have known him, to have been their to help him when he needed my care and as a reminder that we have to appreciate the living energy around us. I am lucky to have a close relationship with my mum who is a constant rock, and is so understanding that we help each other in so many ways, sometimes just being in the same room is enough to sooth the unsaid.

There will be dark moments in the future and there will be vibrant tones of joy. I will grow and understand more, but I will carry my lessons of age with me, and approach life with a different understanding and appreciation.

Kya

  3Comments

  1. Kate   •  

    You are one of the strongest, kindest people I know. Despite anything you had going on in your life, you always had time for others. And still do! x:cupcakestraw: That is why Cupkate loves you so 3_3

  2. Claudine   •  

    Your grandparents are so lucky to have a granddaughter like you. Not a lot of people nowadays care for their grandparents the way you do, so I admire you for that. You’re lucky too, of course, because you got to know your grandparents and even became close to them. I never got to know my grandparents from either side of the family and never got the chance to care for them the way you do.

  3. Sara   •  

    I definitely think it’s hard, but it makes you stronger. I hate the idea of “the time”, nowadays I get so scared, I sometimes have to check up on everyone to see if they are breathing in their sleep.

    People think I’m strong on the outside but when something happens, I breakdown more than anyone else. But when I’m angry, I just think about all the things my family did for me, and yes, we do start to appreciate them more ^^

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>